Living in GRACE with Lucy - what does it mean to live your best life now?
SHOW NOTES
In a previous episode, we interviewed Dr. Anhlan, the author of Living in GRACE and the founder of the GRACE course. I had the chance to take the course last fall, and my mindset journey after the course surprised me. GRACE is an acronym that stands for gratitude, respect, accountability, courage, and engagement. You might be thinking I've heard these words before, but how can I use them to live my best life? I had the opportunity to connect with other students from the GRACE course to share our journeys with you and help you determine if the GRACE course might be right for you. In this episode, I speak with Lucy and we share our mindset journey to explore what it means to us to live your best life now.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
(1) What makes the GRACE Course different
(2) important principles: nonviolent communication, 100/0
(3) biggest takeaway: learning to love myself
RESOURCES/LINKS
Living Your Best Life with GRACE - click to visit the course website to learn more about enrollment. Cohort 3 starts April 11th, 2022!
Intro and Outro music: Dreamer by Noah Smith
FULL TRANSCRIPT
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Evonne: Hi listeners! This is Evonne and you're tuned into Million Ways to Shine. You might remember from Episode 40, we had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Anhlan, the author of "living in grace, living your best life now!" Well, I had the chance to take the GRACE course last fall, and my mindset journey after the course surprised me.
GRACE is an acronym that stands for gratitude, respect, accountability, courage, and engagement. You might be thinking I've heard these words before, but how can I use them to live my best life? I had the opportunity to connect with other students from the GRACE course to share our journeys with you and help you determine if the GRACE course might be right for you.
So hi, Lucy. It's so nice to meet you. And it's just wonderful to be able to meet another colleague and another student that comes out of the GRACE course. And I know that that's how we met and I was really curious. How did you find out about the course?
Lucy: Oh, well, I just want to start by saying thank you so much for inviting me. I'm really grateful to be able to practice more podcasts.
Evonne: Yes, absolutely.
Lucy: How I met a Dr. Anhlan was actually through Mai. I met a doctor online through Mai, because we share a similar, um, passion, which is, is a coaching NLP. She was looking into it, uh, to become a coach. Whereas for me, I was looking into it more for myself and for self-development, and stuff like that. When I spoke about it with Mai, she brought up the grace program and introduced me to Dr. Anhlan. And from there, I helped launch the first grace foundational course in Canada at the center. And it did really, really well. It was very well-received. I got a lot more out of it than I expected, which was awesome. And a lot of people were, were positively affected by it and it continues to this day and I'm hoping that. It'll continue further on because I think it's a great program. A lot of people need it.
Evonne: Yeah, I'm a serial course taker… I love taking courses. learning what, I don't know. I have a growth mindset and maybe I would argue sometimes it's a procrastination habit of mine, to take more courses. I definitely felt really different about the GRACE program, about just understanding gratitude. I've heard these words before gratitude, respect, accountability, courage, engagement, but I just never embodied them that Dr. Anhlan and the course, and you've been working with students like yourself, engaging with other people in that manner. for you, what was the biggest change that happened for you? Uh, before the course and after the.
Lucy: I can’t say I owe it all to the GRACE program. I took a lot of other courses prior to the GRACE program to work on myself as well. Um, cause I went through something traumatic in my life, which was the loss of my sister. So that really rocked my world and kind of took the carpet right out under my feet. So I was on that journey, you know, you get to that point where you're on that journey of just trying to figure out. Okay. So how did I get back to normal? How do I get back to myself? and, you know, with kids and with businesses and everything else that's going on and you kind of have to try and pick up the pieces again.
Um, so I took a couple of other courses before that, too, but I think with what the grace program did for me, it really brought everything in quite nicely, um, and packaged very well. It wasn't bits and pieces everywhere. It kind of got condensed and it was in one place. And the practices…if you really, I mean, like with anything, with any program, exercise, gym, anything. You can be given the perfect set of exercises for whatever it is you're targeting, but if you're not going to follow it and nothing's going to happen. And that's the same thing with the GRACE program, I feel like the people who really did, um, do the practices, uh, really did follow step-by-step instructions and what’s the word… be present. They got a lot out of it. Um, and maybe it's where they were at that point in their life as well. Right. I was at that point where I was ready to find something, looking for something like this and a few people that I brought in that were ready got a lot more out of it.
Lucy: like, you, you get what you put in, right? You know, like the gratitude thing, like, like you said, you hear it all the time, but you're never taught how to do it. You are never given step-by-step instructions. And what Dr. Anhlan did was she really broke it down to fundamentals. You know, you can do the GRACE breathing and you can do the joy jar…
You can do the gratitude journey. There's so many different things that you can do. You don't have to do all of it. You might not resonate with the majority of it, but maybe if you can find one and you practice it, and it really creates a, um, a new mindset because you're so used to being in that dark place where you keep on just constantly thinking about the negatives.
So it's nice to have something to replace that negative thought with right away and just kind of built a new memory. You know, um, definitely the gratitude, the accountability that was big for me too. I mean, I'm, I'm a faulty mom. I'm not going to lie and make a lot of mistakes with my kids. What I wish I knew, Um, or at least. Prior to the course was that I wish I knew how to be more accountable. But with this course, it taught me, you know, like you're okay, it's okay. to make mistakes, but you have to own up to it, right? I still do what I'm not supposed to do with them, like yell at them or whatever, but I take accountability. I'll turn it around and say, "I'm really sorry, that wasn't your fault. Mommy is stressed. Mommy is just..." So I think for a child to be able to hear an adult be accountable. That was, that was big. Like, that was one of the big things I took away from this course was to be accountable to my kids.
Evonne: I think it's exactly what you mentioned, learning how to communicate your emotions through that process. Dr. Anhlan was able to help me through that as well. because when I was getting frustrated or not feeling gratitude, I really couldn't pinpoint or tell myself, "why not". And how to change. But then becoming aware of how to make these small changes and even other people help me too. I mean, I was definitely sharing my journey and my progress about the course with my significant other. And he'll remember, there's just something very sticky about some of the tidbits that she gives. So when I say them and I tell them, I hear them, I hear them and they really stick into my mind. So, for example, I thought I got really frustrated one day with my significant other. And he goes like, wait a second. Aren't you taking a course, that's telling you exactly what not to do? And I'm like, well, you're all right! And I think it's those moments where again, resolidifying that memory. These are now core memories and it's hard to forget. It's hard to forget. And of course, that feeling that you feel afterwards, of seeing that results. And my significant other saw the results faster than I did. I maybe felt the results.
I just didn't know what they, what was happening… he was seeing the whole progress and the whole journey.
Lucy: I can resonate. Uh, yeah, I think it was, I think I met you in the second course, right? The second cohort.
Evonne: cohort two!
Lucy: All right. When I was in that, and I think embarrassing, like, cause I'm an open book…so the first cohort there were students there, or they'll remember when I was in the middle of like being upset at my significant other. And if it wasn't for Dr. Anhlan and how she taught, you know, non-violent communication and the way that she teaches it
Evonne: Yes.
Lucy: And it was her that taught me that it's more important to be kind to be right. I was like, no, it's not. That took a while.
Evonne: I completely resonate with that. I thought the exact same thing too. And again, maybe it was my upbringing or just what. The experiences I had when I was a child, I guess I never learned that before. And I was open about that. I also never had learned non-violent communication. I didn't even know that was a phrase.
And so even know those, those two words could be put together. But now that I know them, I'll never forget them. And of course, I'll share them with other people. And I think, I asked my significant other and to my family … does anyone know about this? And like, Nope, you're the first one. Imagine how many people walking through life, who haven't been, who haven't been blessed with these two words before to, to be able to know?
Lucy: It's interesting because. When I practiced it on there, I'm like thinking like, oh, this is never going to work. This is me giving in! (laughs)
Evonne: I felt the same thing too. I'm like, okay, well, I guess I can compromise. (laughs)
Lucy: “Dr. Anhlan, the 100/0…. I don't know if that'll work of my [significant other]…”
Evonne: Oh, oh my gosh. We're resonating with the exact same pieces. Because I thought the exact same thing, the 100/0 principle. That was, I actually don't just use that for my significant other. I use that in my career as well, especially. You know, like teammates and just colleagues… and just the principle of "I've got to do the work and really not expect anything back." I think the science self of myself says like, no, that doesn't compute. So like I have to be equal. I have to have all these checkboxes and these checkmarks. But then I realized very early on in last year in the program, the life really doesn't work that way. You really can't put people in a box. We've heard that time and time again, in different courses, in different methods, in different ways. And to be kind and gentle and forgiving. But I never really knew how to do that because I was just such a checkmark person. So being able to really live that life freely.
And just say, you know, I can only control what I can do. And I'm so blessed and honored by anyone else who's going to meet me at whatever they, they have the energy to. Or whatever energy they can meet me at, because they're not always going to have the same energy that I provide. And that's okay.
Lucy: There's boundaries to everything, right? If somebody's going to take advantage of it…
Evonne: That’s another, yeah, that's another piece.
Lucy: But like when you're giving somebody, your compassion and empathy and your listening ear….and, you let them know that - they return the favor, right. “I'm going to apologize, I'm going to take this one.” But then with empathy, they get and give back.
Evonne: And give back I, in my mind now, is not always what I would expect. In fact, now that I've let go of my expectations, the end result ends up being a lot better. It ended up being a lot better than I could've ever wished or asked for even, I didn't know what I didn't know
Lucy: Cause it's genuine! It’s actually from a genuine place when it comes back to you!
Evonne: Exactly. And honestly, a lot less effort if I didn't have to nag. I felt like I was nagging a lot when… I mean, I don't want to do that. I never wanted to do that, but it was just such a bad habit. Because I felt that I needed control over the situation. And I felt that if I didn't tell him, this person what to do, that it would never get done.
And now I realize, especially after practicing these principles and non-violent communication, The best thing is just to stay silent. But no really! Like sometimes I just felt like me being silent and we truly listening, truly listening and hearing what is happening. That spoke a lot more than me telling exactly what I thought needed to be said. And that was a huge lesson for me.
Lucy: Yeah. no definitely.. That's a huge one too. So oftentimes you hear couples, they're just talking over one another, they never really listen to one another, right? And then it becomes like, no matter what you say, they've already kind of blocked you out because you blocked them out. So it was, uh, it made our relationship definitely a lot better. And even with my kids taking accountability, they forgive you so easily. Kids forgive so easily.
Evonne: Really?
Lucy: I mean, my kids are only like 9, 9, 6, and 4, right. Um, That being said, I mean, I wish I was when I was younger, I wish somebody apologized to me when they did something like an adult. Right. Cause you, you really take that in as a child, you really take that in and you take it with you right into your adulthood and you blame yourself for a lot. But I think, um, you know, take advantage of the fact that kids, kids forgive easily.
Evonne: And that's a blessing. Cause because then you see how happy and how light they are a lot of the times. Yeah.
Lucy: How often do parents do that? Do you recall being apologized to when you were a child?
Evonne: No, but I think that's where a lot of issues probably stem from! (laughs) Because I mean, for me, I'm a recovering perfectionist. And so I thought a lot of things were my fault. And so I, part of the program is helping you recover from that. And realizing that you don't have that control. And you can feel guilty, but let go of that guilt. because it no longer serves you. especially when it's an event that's in the past and there's really nothing you could do. There's nothing you can do. And you’re kind of eating yourself alive with this guilt. And not being able to resolve it. Or not getting the apology that you feel like you deserve. Those are all the things that I felt like I was able to slowly piece away and start to overcome. And Start realizing where I can start stepping into my life with GRACE.
Lucy: Yes. Yes.
Evonne: And, for you, what was your biggest takeaway? If you could tell anyone what's the biggest takeaway from the course? And Just what you remember from your life, what would that be?
Lucy: My biggest takeaway from the course I would have to say is really learning to, kind of sounds so cliche, but love myself. Really learning to trust myself again. Um, really learning, um, how to really listen to my intuition and. Kind of drown out all, all that noise made its home in my head. You know what I mean? Over the years of self-doubt and all this nagging and all this, uh, expectations from others and all these. You know, you, you let that get to you. Um, and I think it really chips away at who you are as a person. Um, and you stop relying on your inner dialogue? I found I was at a place where my core was not there. Um, the way it used to be.
Um, not that I, I was super stable before. I mean, I had, I had my fault, but I trusted my gut before I lived my own when I was 17. And I really. Built a strong identity and self-sufficient, independent kind of, you know? Over the years, depending on who you surround yourself with, you let in. The many disappointments that you've, you've had, the failures, you know, like you said, expectations that you put up that you don't really necessarily reach the way you want. It really chips away at your self-identity and all that stuff. And then, you know, the loss of my sister really shook me and, kind of took that right from me. And I just felt like I can't do this. I think having a foundation like GRACE to really re-establish of that, all those new habits. Or old habits that I tried to bring back and really practice grounding and being present and self-respect and gratitude. And it really, built me back up and it put me back in my power.
Evonne: Yeah. Yes, yes, yes, absolutely. That's exactly how I felt. I felt like this was the new me after finishing the course. And it was the me that I was really proud of. I was really proud of the journey and all the work.
Lucy: I'm more proud of myself now than I ever have been.
Evonne: Oh yes. Yes, Lucy!
Lucy: Before I didn't have like this 100/0 thing and I didn't have this, being kind over being right now, that stuff. So I had, I had my faults back then. But I feel like now I have a nice of guides to really, like go back to and say, wait, what am I supposed to do? Wait. And hopefully with practice, I won't have to look at it or look it up. (laughs)
Evonne: And they just become part of that beautiful routine and part of your life.
Lucy: I wish I had more time to practice a lot of it, but I think it's nice to start somewhere and there's a lot, a lot of guidance for, for us to be able to follow. We just open it up and give into it. I think,m being present with it.
Evonne: Yes. Being present. Doing exactly what we're doing now. And just sharing it with each other, just sharing it with the world. Because I think, world just needs more communication to share more love and to share more respects. So this is all part of that. And all part of those steps. I'm so glad I was able to chat with you today.
Lucy: Thanks so much.
Evonne: Of course, and we'll definitely have you back on because I love chatting with you. And I love chatting about journeys. I think the most important thing, even, you know, as I take more classes and learn how to apply GRACE into my life, we find different ways and different nuances on how that works for us. And being able to share that testimony helps other people, because even me sharing my story, someone didn't know that before. And now that opens up their eyes to that possibility and that potential. And I think we need more conversations and more people like you in this world, Lucy. So I'm so happy that we got a chance to meet.
Lucy: Thanks so much putting up with all my, uh, stumbling and.
Evonne: No, you're perfect. It's authenticity. It's authenticity. It means I know what I feel like. That's the best part about even just GRACE, right? To laugh at yourself be like, oh my gosh, like I was just so excited. Um, I didn't know what to say or I said the wrong word. I think that's the, to me again, as a recovering perfectionist, that was the hardest part.
I used to beat myself up all the time, for not saying the right things. You're not doing the right things. But now, um, it's, I'm like, this is just, just letting it be. And I honestly, like you said, the most proud of myself I've been. I'm the happiest that I've ever been. On in the stage and in this life. Even when I go through valleys, like, I'm not saying that once you take a course or if you're doing what me and Lucy are doing…that you're going to be on this mountain, riding this high…
Lucy: No, you still have sad days and you're still allowed to have, I still have my cry days.
Evonne: Yeah.
Lucy: But I think the resiliency that is built for us to ride through those days Is much different than how I would've handled it before.
Evonne: Yes, same same. I definitely handle it differently. And knowing my boundaries and also just, I don't want to say maybe protecting other, people's not quite the right term, but I definitely let people know, today's probably not the best day to talk to me right now. I need my time. I need my chocolate. I need, I just let me watch my Netflix and don't talk to me for an hour…Cause, cause those, you know, the self-care, it's exactly what you said. Like I love myself very much right now, but I also love my significant other and everyone around me enough to know I need some time for myself. And to respect that time and boundary.
Lucy: You know, regardless of where you are in your life journey right now, whether you're happy, whether you're struggling, whether. Whether you're in good place or in a bad place. I think it's super important to take proactive control of your mental health. It's going to have peaks. It's going to have valleys and you want to be prepared to face those. because there's a lot, I'm going to be honest. It's going to be a lot harder to go through a program like GRACE when you're in the depths of despair. So, um, I was lucky I wasn't in the depths of despair at the moment, but had I been at, might not have been, um, I w may not have been able to be as present as I was. Um, so you definitely have to be prepared for the work. This will apply to anybody who wants to be proactive and facing life challenges in the future. So something that is hard to get through to, to people who are not struggling. Because they don't feel like that. And it's hard to get through to people who are struggling. Because they're struggling too much. You know, be able to be present with them, some of the practices. So, um, the only thing I can preach is, Hey, listen, like one of these days, that's good. It's got to knock you off your feet. You get prepared now before it does
Evonne: And thank you so much for sharing that and thank you for sharing your time with me.
Lucy: Thank you for having me take care.
Evonne: Thank you. Bye.
To learn more about the GRACE course, check out the course link and the website and the episode description or on our website. It is a seven-week course and the next start date is on April 11th, 2022. If you love this episode, let us know what you think by leaving a review on apple podcasts or reach out to us on our Instagram page @millionwaystoshine. A big, thank you to everyone who has given us a review and a shout-out. Thank you for the love. Your support means so much to us. Keep an eye out for the next episode where we discuss grace self-respect and courage. See you next time.
